On 'The Birth of a Nation' Controversy:
"The sole reason I took the movie was so I could talk about how sexual violence has historically been used as a weapon of mass destruction. Used against women and families since the dawn of time, and how we are still faced with this , the voicelessness, the powerlessness. As a rape survivor and as an advocate, I cannot shy away from this responsibility because the conversation got difficult. I don't want to put myself above anyone's pain or triggers. Every victim or survivor, I believe you. I support you. I support you if you don't want to see the film. I absolutely understand and respect that. I can't sell the film."
On Raising Black Boys In America:
"Until they walk through the door, I'm terrified. Sometimes I just want to stay off my timeline because it makes those waits until they walk through the door a thousand times worse. Just envisioning them as a hashtag."
On Fighting For A Seat At The Producer's Table:
"I don’t just want to be a hired gun. I want to have a little bit more control over the narrative. The only way I can be empowered to do that is to be a producer. Now with as many projects that will have me, it’s part of the deal."
Twenty-four years ago I was raped at gunpoint in the cold, dark backroom of the Payless shoe store where I was then working. Two years ago I signed on to a brilliant script called “The Birth of a Nation,” to play a woman who was raped. One month ago I was sent a story about Nate Parker, the very talented writer, director and star of this film. Seventeen years ago Nate Parker was accused and acquitted of sexual assault. Four years ago the woman who accused him committed suicide.
Different roads circling one brutal, permeating stain on our society. A stain that is finely etched into my own history. Rape is a wound that throbs long after it heals. And for some of us the throbbing gets too loud. Post traumatic stress syndrome is very real and chips away at the soul and sanity of so many of us who have survived sexual violence.
Since Nate Parker’s story was revealed to me, I have found myself in a state of stomach-churning confusion. I took this role because I related to the experience. I also wanted to give a voice to my character, who remains silent throughout the film. In her silence, she represents countless black women who have been and continue to be violated. Women without a voice, without power. Women in general. But black women in particular. I knew I could walk out of our movie and speak to the audience about what it feels like to be a survivor.
My compassion for victims of sexual violence is something that I cannot control. It spills out of me like an instinct rather than a choice. It pushes me to speak when I want to run away from the platform. When I am scared. Confused. Ashamed. I remember this part of myself and must reach out to anyone who will listen — other survivors, or even potential perpetrators.
As important and ground-breaking as this film is, I cannot take these allegations lightly. On that night, 17-odd years ago, did Nate have his date’s consent? It’s very possible he thought he did. Yet by his own admission he did not have verbal affirmation; and even if she never said “no,” silence certainly does not equal “yes.” Although it’s often difficult to read and understand body language, the fact that some individuals interpret the absence of a “no” as a “yes” is problematic at least, criminal at worst. That’s why education on this issue is so vital.
As a black woman raising brilliant, handsome, talented young black men, I am cognizant of my responsibility to them and their future. My husband and I stress the importance of their having to walk an even straighter line than their white counterparts. A lesson that is heartbreaking and infuriating, but mandatory in the world we live in. We have spent countless hours focused on manners, education, the perils of drugs. We teach them about stranger-danger and making good choices. But recently I’ve become aware that we must speak to our children about boundaries between the sexes. And what it means to not be a danger to someone else.
To that end, we are making an effort to teach our sons about affirmative consent. We explain that the onus is on them to explicitly ask if their partner consents. And we tell them that a shrug or a smile or a sigh won’t suffice. They have to hear “yes.”
Regardless of what I think may have happened that night 17 years ago, after reading all 700 pages of the trial transcript, I still don’t actually know. Nor does anyone who was not in that room. But I believe that the film is an opportunity to inform and educate so that these situations cease to occur on college campuses, in dorm rooms, in fraternities, in apartments or anywhere else young people get together to socialize.
I took this part in this film to talk about sexual violence. To talk about this stain that lives on in our psyches. I know these conversations are uncomfortable and difficult and painful. But they are necessary. Addressing misogyny, toxic masculinity, and rape culture is necessary. Addressing what should and should not be deemed consent is necessary.
Think of all the victims who, like my character, are silent. The girls sitting in their dorm rooms, scared to speak up. The wife who is abused by her husband. The woman attacked in an alley. The child molested. Countless souls broken from trans-violence attacks. It is for you that I am speaking. This is real. We are real. Sexual violence happens more often than anyone can imagine. And if the stories around this film do not prove and emphasize this, then I don’t know what does.
It is my hope that we can use this as an opportunity to look within. To open up the conversation. To reach out to organizations which are working hard to prevent these kinds of crimes. And to support its victims. To donate time or money. To play an active role in creating a ripple that will change the ingrained misogyny that permeates our culture. And to eventually wipe the stain clean.
CELEBRITY BUG'S TOP 10 CELEBRITY COUPLES OF 2016
Kanye West & Kim Kardashian West - *** Top Couple of 2016 ***
George & Amal Clooney
Russell Wilson & Ciara
Stephen & Ayesha Curry
Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively
Dwyane Wade & Gabrielle Union
Mike Fisher & Carrie Underwood
Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith
Justin Theroux & Jennifer Aniston
President Barack Obama & Michelle Obama
CELEBRITY BUG'S TOP 10 CELEBRITY COUPLES OF 2015
Kanye West & Kim Kardashian - *** Top Couple of 2015 ***
Dwyane Wade & Gabrielle Union
Justin Theroux & Jennifer Aniston
Matthew McConaughey & Camila Alves
Mike Fisher & Carrie Underwood
Olivier Martinez & Halle Berry
President Barack Obama & Michelle Obama
Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively
Shawn 'Jay-Z' Carter & Beyonce Knowles-Carter
Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith
DO forget your "type."
"It worked for me. When I met Dwyane, his 'résumé' looked like crap: athlete, going through a divorce, nine years younger than me. None of that screamed, 'Let's have a lasting relationship.' Then, after I had a heart-crushing breaking with yet another immature jerk, I thought, it can't be any worse if I date a fetus. Let's just see what happens. Turned out he'd been on his own since he was 15. He had wisdom that comes with facing an insane amount of adversity. He's sweet, funny, honest about his shortcomings. When I put my preconceived notions to the side, I found someone cool."
DON'T put up with a friend-versus-boyfriend tug-of-war.
"Some friends act possessive and say, 'You're not spending enough time with me.' Huh? Remember when we made our vision boards and the dude was in the middle? You're sup- posed to be happy for me. Thankfully, my girls are like, 'High-five!' And D likes to be around them too. If there's weirdness, either something's wrong with the friends—or the boy. Investigate. And sift accordingly."
DO show him your feelings. Daily.
"Dwyane generally gets up before I do to go to the gym, and he's never left without kissing me and telling me he loves me. As for me, I am complimentary to the point where I am almost a little Chester the Molester-y. I think he's so delicious. Watching him get out of the shower never gets old. Never. It's not like he ever wonders what I'm thinking, but usually he's thinking, She needs a cold shower!"
DON'T write off an ex (or get back together) without really thinking it through.
"When you're debating whether to go backward or forward, you have to look at the original issue. [When Dwyane and I broke up briefly in 2013], it was because of distance and scheduling. I finished filming the show, then I flew to Vegas right away to start shooting Think Like a Man Too. I couldn't take time off, and I missed some quality togetherness we desperately needed. Over the summer, I reassessed priorities. I'd always wanted an awesome career with back-to-back projects, but I realized I wasn't willing to sacrifice my relationship for it. Moving forward, I decided my work schedule has to make sense for our family. Bottom line: If an issue's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. If your relationship isn't something you're willing to give up and you can compromise, do so."
DO let your partner off the hook.
"I play Words With Friends at night, and often I'll fall asleep before I've had a chance to say good night. In the morning Dwyane will say, "If you're falling asleep, say good night. I don't like how it makes me feel when you don't." Then he's like: "But we're not going to make this a 'thing.'" He lets me off the hook, and I do the same: Is it annoying that he refuses to put the cap back on the toothpaste? Yes. But at the end of the day, I just screw it back on myself. It's a give-and-take."
DON'T rush into marriage out of fear of dying alone.
"I got married at 28 because my friends were getting married, starting to have kids—and, in my mind, 26, 27 was old. I thought, I'd better jump on this because soon I'll be 30 and an old maid. And I chose wrong. You can't go by what your friends are doing or your family is influencing you to do. Think about this: Worst-case scenario, do you want to give this fool half of your money? As the person who had to write the check at the end of my marriage, had I thought about that, I'd have put more time into choosing the right person. And, yes, the wait can be scary—that feeling of "Am I always going to be watching TV alone, cooking for one; is my best friend my only real soulmate?" But the right person is worth the wait."
DO indulge your inner freak.
"Sometimes my girlfriends will mention sexting or certain positions as something they'd do only with a guy on spring break. They'll say, "You don't do that with someone you love." And I'll say, "That's who you're supposed to do it with." If I can do this awesome, amazing thing with some dude I met at a bar, why wouldn't I be able to do it with the person I love? If you're into it and he's into it and it's legal enough that the police aren't going be involved—then go for it! Do it. A lot."
She said YES!!! @itsgabrielleu http://t.co/rH3ONIxNdO
— THREE (@DwyaneWade) December 22, 2013Sooooo this happened... #Yessss 💃💃💃👏👏👏🙏🙏🙏😍😍😍 @dwyanewade http://t.co/Q56Ok2Ky7e
— Gabrielle Union (@itsgabrielleu) December 22, 2013
Host Gabrielle Union arrives at the 2nd annual BET Honors, which pays tribute to the lives and achievements of leading black luminaries. This year’s honorees include Mary J. Blige (Entertainment), Tyler Perry (Media), Judith Jamison (Education), Earvin “Magic” Johnson (Corporate Citizen), B. Smith (Entrepreneur), and Congressman James E. Clyburn (Public Service).
'Cadillac Records', gets the honor of being Celebrity Bug's first movie review. In this tale of sex, violence, race, and rock and roll in 1950s Chicago, 'Cadillac Records' follows the exciting but turbulent lives of some of America's musical legends, including Muddy Waters, Leonard Chess, Little Walter, Howlin' Wolf, Etta James and Chuck Berry.
'Seven Pounds' stars Will Smith and Rosario Dawson arrive for the Hollywood premiere of their highly anticiated movie.
